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I don’t sleep very well. I have a lot of nightmares and I’m scared they won’t end…that what I’ve been through is something you can’t recover from. I’m terrified of meeting people I used to know. I’m haunted by the things I did to survive and scarred by what I had done to me.
My name is Sarah (not her real name). I am 34 years old. I came to Bournemouth when I was 17 years old and became a prostitute at the age of 19. Coming to England was a mistake, I was young and naïve, I didn’t think any decision through, I didn’t have a safety net and my stupidity ruined my life.
I’m from a small town in Northern Spain called Ribadesella. I had always wanted to experience the world and I had always been very independent as I was very very close with my family. I spoke very little English when I came to Bournemouth but had saved enough money to rent a small flat in Boscombe. Life for the first year was very good, I made some friends and held down a steady job in a small fruit and vegetables shop, I didn’t earn a lot but it was enough to live on.
I had always been a larger woman but after nearly 10 years of addiction and prostitution you could see nearly every bone in my body – I was a walking skeleton.
Mark and Peter were the first members of the group I met. Within a couple of weeks I had met with the 5 other men. They were nice and I was quite comfortable with them. It was clear to me that they could make money by any means necessary. Mark first offered to pay me for sex after a month – I rejected them for months but the amount of money went up each time – as did the pressure to pay my bills.
The, “bad crowd” I realise now were a gang and they ran out of patience waiting for me to accept their money for sex. Peter was the most caring of the group and I confided in him that if I had the money I would return to Spain. The next week I was confronted by him – he had my passport.
The first month they had my passport they promised to, “look after it” for me until I had the money to get home. They instead used it to control me and force me into sex with them. I was paid £200 the first time I had sex with Craig. A week later and I was evicted from my flat for failure to pay rent, I had nowhere to go: the gang offered me a room for free, I didn’t think and moved in straight away. A month in the house and I had been paid 3 more times for sex but the price had gone down to £100.
Drugs were in the house at all times and I soon found myself using cocaine casually as a means to cope with the situation I found myself in. Heavier use came quickly supported by the gang members in the house who made sure it was readily available. I was now trading sex for drugs with the men in the house and I started using heroin.
This carried on for some time, how long I don’t really know I lost sense of reality, looking back I think it was at least a year. I remember flashes of this period, I was kept well fed and comfortable and kept on drugs. Some nights I would wake to find someone on top of me, I don’t know how many times I was raped.
I don’t remember the first time I was sold to strangers for sex, I never saw any money – a member of the gang had become my pimp. I don’t remember when I started working on the streets but I remember the growing threats from the gang members in the house. Rent and drugs were no longer free, I was working for them and paying money I earned from servicing customers to stay in the house and to maintain my drug habit.
I often had cigarettes put out on my arms by means of punishment for not attracting enough clients, on those nights I would also be strip searched in front of members of the house and searched intimately for any hidden money.
I lost my looks and couldn’t attract customers anymore and so the gang would take bets to see what they could fit in me: bottles, marbles, fruit, vegetables or anything else they could think of.
Most people spend their twenties finding themselves, starting careers, starting families and starting their lives. I spent mine being tortured mentally and physically, addicted to drugs and having sex for money.
I was saved after being arrested for soliciting, I was never charged with anything but I was placed in rehabilitation centres and have been clean from drugs and alcohol for 2 years. I heard that the house was raided and that two men were arrested and charged. I now live in sheltered housing on benefits as my mental and physical state mean that I cannot work. The damage done to my body means I can never have a family. The damage done to my mind means I may never have a normal life – I cannot walk down the street on my own or go to the shops.
At 34 my only aim is to survive one day at a time.
As told to James Nunns in Bournemouth. The interviewee has been granted anonymity, and the interview has been lightly edited for clarity.
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